Dreams Can Change ( A Poem)
As I child I had dreams of being a mother & a wife.
God blessed me with both, such a happy life!
After the birth of my son, the symptoms began.
My life as I knew it would not follow my plan.
It threw me off track & forced me to change.
Being a mom had new meaning that was different & strange.
My body was in charge now; my plans were shown the door.
My body could not do the things it had done before.
I had to change my approach & find a new way of life.
I could still be a good mom and a loving wife.
Strength would be my focus, being positive my goal.
I could not allow my body to change “me” as a whole.
At my lowest I’d cry as my pain turned to doubt.
To grieve the loss of a life planned out.
I’m human and felt the regret & the loss.
Of a body that became an obstacle to cross.
To stay in this frame of mind was just not me.
If I was to live up to the mom I knew I could be.
Children want love & attention, MS can’t take that away.
I needed to focus on my love and hope to brighten their days.
I would show them I’m brave while facing my fears;
Embrace my new life while smiling through my tears.
MS is an obstacle, a struggle; that’s true.
But my children wanted guidance to tell them what to do.
We could play board games, read stories or draw pictures to start.
I helped with homework, or cuddled & counted stars after dark.
On good days, I tried dancing to our favorite songs.
Looked as they screamed, “Watch me!” at the park in the sun.
These days I needed a nap, but I relished the moments of good.
For the bad ones always return and I don’t dwell on “I wish I could…”
“Budget your time”, “Live in the moment”, “Grasp life by the horns”.
All clichés, but all too true when bad health leaves us torn.
I am still myself, my heart & spirit are true.
I may need to slow down, but I’ll never give up what I do.
My family is what I need to face each day with a smile.
MS will never change that. Giving up is not my style!
~Tammy Malkowski, 11-11-10