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Friday, February 25, 2011

How MS Feels (A Poem)

How MS Feels (A Poem)

My hands shake as my words slur,
But it’s not what you think.
I trip and I sway,
Though I haven’t had a drink.

I could fall at any moment.
And this never leaves my mind
But I’m trying hard to manage
As I’m on this MS ride.

My legs look normal
But feel like rubber.
My arms look strong enough,
But melt like butter.

I have slept for hours,
But my eyes still droop.
I want to walk straight,
But my head loop-de-loops.

You think I’m paying attention,
But my mind has wandered away.
I want to speak clearly,
But I’m stuttering today.

I try to read your email,
But I am seeing double.
I want to come with you,
But walking gives me trouble.

I may need your patience
And your compassion too.
But never your pity
For all I have to do.

I need you to be kind.
And try to understand.
I’m living a new life
Doing the best that I can.

I am making an effort
To be someone who
Is making a difference
In my own life too.

Give me a chance
Be on my side
I am still me
Even with all the drama inside.

My body has changed
But my heart is the same.
I still have a beautiful life
Even when playing the MS game.

The thing I need the most
As you try to understand
Is the comfort and confidence
That I still have my friend.

by Tammy Malkowski (2/25/2011)

6 comments:

  1. This is wonderful thank you I enjoy the way you write. Now that I've found you I'll visit from time to time, you have a way with words more of a gift I think anyway thanks again.

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  2. Alicia V. McFarlaneJune 23, 2011 at 12:41 PM

    Tammy, I enjoyed reading this poem immensely. I, too enjoy writing; but this is art! Great job and believe me; you're not the only one "playing the MS game."

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  3. You know that I know you have MS but I never realized how much it truly affects your everyday life. You are admirable for how well you deal with everyday things! I want to help you in finding a cure, and had I not picked up my Macomb Daily today and read that wonderful article about your everyday fight and your determination to fund research, I would never have known how to help. Vance, Ray and I want to donate now! Good luck with your walk today (brrr) and I look forward to hearing all about it!

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  4. I hope it's okay that I have shared this with just about everyone I know.
    Thank you,it's like you looked inside me and wrote what I couldn't express.

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  5. Thank you. I'm from Eastpoint, but now in AL. Dx'd at 31.

    Your poem expresses things perfectly.

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  6. Hi Tammy. You don't have to post this as it is a message from me to you.

    I found your blog today while googling for a connection between MS and sleepwalking. I am so glad I did. My 21 year old daughter was confirmed with MS this past fall, though initially diagnosed with the possibility of MS 2 years ago. As we learn more about her symptoms, which happen to match your poem "How MS Feels", I can remember slurs and wobbliness back when she was about 17 or so. We figured it was because she was out having fun with friends and may have had a drink or two. Makes me wish we had asked a few hard questions back then. Regardless, this is now a part of our life, and your poems reads like it could be any day in hers. My heart breaks as her diagnosis came just as she was starting out on her adult life, graduated high school, starting university. BAM...shaky hands, slurred speach, etc. She had to quit school, quit her part time job as she couldn't hold onto things anymore etc. Then came the doctors and MRI's and 2 years just trying to determine what was going on. Now who knows what life will bring. She is an artist who draws and paints, and wonders how long she will be able to keep that up. I wonder too....as I can see how much things have worsened just over the last couple years. She seems to be handling it far better than I. The dam has yet to burst on my emotional turmoil, but it will, and I will cry for days. She is my firstborn after all. I will catch up on your blogs, as I really want to know more about you, and your MS experiences. You have touched me and reading your poem shocked me into letting some of it out. Thank you.

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