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Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Brain Drain

Wow! The last week has been a bundle of stress and excitement. Overlooking my previous post about confrontational stress, let's move on to Christmas stress and family excitement. Christmas stress, shopping for too long, baking cookies & making candy for two days straight. These are things I want to do and push to do because I enjoy them. Unfortunately, my body does not want to cooperate. It is so frustrating at 36 years old, that simple tasks that may have been just a long day previously, knock me on my butt! Whatever! It sucks and it's frustrating. I am not going to stop living though. Keep moving forward. <>

Family excitement: Well the bad excitement was rushing my son to the ER, (he has the Croup)...Scary when they struggle to breathe. He is fine, but only two hours of sleep that night. Great excitement is one of my oldest friends had her baby girl on Monday and my little sister had her baby boy on Tuesday! Other exciting news to be declared later, too. All very wonderful occurrences, but the running around for the last three days to visit and complete errands has totally drained my brain. <>

I crashed today. Could not keep my eyes open this afternoon. Took a two hour nap and then had to go get my daughter from school. I was shaking the whole walk there and back. I felt like I would fall again. I hate that feeling. Rubber legs. Shaking hands. My head feeling like it is in a fog. I get scared and inevitably that is when my kids decide to take 5 mins to decide which kind of cookie they want. All the while my head is screaming sit down! I end up snapping at them to hurry up because I don't feel well. You can imagine their faces. I just feel terrible. It's not their fault, they're being kids. I am trying to be a good mom AND take care of myself. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. <>

I wish I had my old energy and my old strength back. I feel so defeated when I can't be the wife and mother I want to be. The wife and mother I have always been. I know I can be good to my family. I just have to find new ways to define what that is now to myself. The simplest things can cause the most drain on my brain, but I am not giving up. My whole family is too important to me. <>

I want to cherish everyone I love and enjoy all of them, even if I have to sit down to do it. My advice...appreciate the people you love in your life. You need to be able to say, I made the most of that relationship. Expect some regrets, but make them few and far between. Don't waste time on petty things, be a friend, be a shoulder, be you!!<>

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