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Friday, August 7, 2009

Insane in the Membrane...

Well good days and bad days, that's for sure. I need to figure out when a good balance will occur. The worst part for me is as soon as I say I am feeling better people start to assume that I won't ever feel bad again. And if I do have a bad day, I get the comment, "Well, I thought you were feeling better?" I was, but today I am not. It is frustrating to feel like I can't say I am good or bad without feeling guilty in some way.

I feel like I have to keep my feelings to myself, even with some of the people that are closest to me. It is very lonely feeling, like I have to suffer alone. I absolutely am able to put on a brave front and "fake it till I make it" facade. I am an expert, but sometimes I wish I could just vent without having to explain or justify "why". I don't always have an explanation. One day I may be stumbling or losing my balance more. The next I can be in horrible pain. And the next simply exhausted. I can't explain it, I'm just trying to get by and live my life the way it was dealt to me.

Even with MS, I love my life! I have a beautiful family, a nice home, a good job and food on my table. I couldn't ask for much more...maybe a little less debt, but I am working on that. I just feel like keeping in how I feel is counter-productive and can only drive me insane. Short trip ;)

1 comment:

  1. I, also, have MS. Those who do not know someone with MS, cannot understand the various days we have - good days, pain days, exhausted days, depressed days, fearful days, happy days. All valid. MS is like that. Fellow MSers - we all are having different experiences, and some similar. So helpful to have others to 'talk' with. Thanks.


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