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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Brain Failure

Well today I have bad news. I wish I could say it was an April Fool's joke, but it is not. I will not be doing the clinical trial. I found out yesterday afternoon that I do not meet all the requirements necessary to participate in the trial. My neurologist can recommend me as a candidate, but the study researchers perform their own tests and make the final decision. Needless to say, I am devastated.

I know "everything happens for a reason". I have to believe it, but I am having a hard time understanding why I put my health and treatment on hold for almost 4 months of delays only to be denied what I was waiting to do. One day I am sure I will see why. I need a few days to be sad and then get up and start to move forward again. This will not break me. I feel broken today, but I will push thru...I have to...

I will see my neurologist on April 23, 2009. From there we will discuss the other options he mentioned before. He may want to repeat steroids or try a different avenue. I will let you know as I know. So as for now, this blog will remain what it has been; a blog updating you on my health. It will not become the diary of my clinical trial, just a personal journey thru trial and error.

Please keep me in your prayers. I need to find my strength from all the love and support from my family and my friends. I can't survive without it. My brain may be faulty, and this trial may have failed me, but I will not fail myself. Brain failure....? Brain reborn...? Brain recharge...? We shall see...

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