Happy New Year Everyone!!! 2012 is going to be a great year, I can feel it already. This is the year I begin the decade of "Me". This may sound selfish from the get go, but allow me to explain.
I have always been the "helper" the "problem solver" the "mom of everyone". These are all things I love to be and will probably continue to do so for my lifetime. I have made changes in these areas as I have learned when to say no and when to remember that my worth is not wrapped up in always being there for every one, every time. I learned that I don't need to be liked by all people and that is okay. I don't like everyone I meet, so why should I expect that anyone who meets me will like me no matter what? What a boring world it would be if we all liked one another & agreed on everything. I celebrate our differences and embrace the uniqueness of our personalities. Letting go of the pressure to please everyone and for me to like them unconditionally was not only freeing, but oddly, relaxing.
There was a time when I would be the one to be in the thick of a fight. Oh, I wasn't the type that would start one, but if I found someone or something that NEEDED defending, I would be the one front & center to go toe to toe with the best of them. Once I discovered Facebook, these instances occurred more often and could become more heated very quickly. The fights could get nasty and people hiding behind their computers would use their false sense of bravado to fight dirtier than they would face-to-face. I had many a night getting so involved in this drama that I would push my health to the limit. My heart would race, the adrenaline would pump so quickly that my hands would go numb, weakness would intensify and the tremors would be uncontrollable.
The worst moment I had was when one woman decided to criticize my character yet again. It was within a debate on a mutual friend's page and it shook me so much. I was afraid. Not of her, I could handle her. I was afraid her comments would push the friends we shared to pick a side. I was afraid that the friends we shared would believe her accusations. I was afraid that I would get pulled down to her level. I had discovered the attack when I checked my email and Facebook while on vacation with my family. I couldn't believe my eyes. When I had logged off before leaving, I had made a comment in jest and this woman had twisted it so completely around that even I doubted my intent. I tried to explain & defend myself, but she got nastier & nastier. I did put her in her place, but after I logged off, I realized something.
I was out to dinner with my family & the whole time I was worried about what was happening on Facebook and what this girl was doing. I wasn't paying attention to my husband or my children. I didn't notice at first, but when I looked around at where I was and who I was with, I was ashamed of myself. I was worried about something so meaningless. If the friends I was worried about believed her, they weren't really my friends or they didn't know me at all. If I gave another second to this woman on Facebook, I was allowing her to win. She would be stealing time from my family and THAT, that I had control over. I stopped thinking of her & decided I would see how it played out after I returned.
As it turned out, I had my chance with my friend. We actually became closer. We talked on the phone for hours. It was amazing to develop a deeper level to our relationship. She told me her concerns and perceptions and it pushed me further forward into what would become my new outlook on life. I was in control of what I did and how I reacted to others. No one else was, so I took back that power. I wouldn't allow someone to decide for me how I would live my life, so I let it all go.
A couple of months later, someone was making fun of me again and my upbeat outlook. I kind of chuckled about it and moved on. Several of my friends brought it to my attention and wanted me "to know" what was going on. I thanked them and said I knew, but I didn't need to get involved. I looked into it further and read many of my friends posts that had jumped to my defense and I knew if I said anything I would add fuel to the fire. So I "walked away". Several people couldn't believe I did that and said they didn't think they could have been so relaxed about the situation. I ended up starting my own open post stating basically what I wrote above. It is our differences that make the world go round. I accept that others will have an opinion of me as I have one of them. We can agree to disagree and pick our battles. Cliche? Maybe, but valuable lessons nonetheless. I have many friends that I love & care about and if one more doesn't want to join them, then that is their decision & I respect that. I have less stress now that I have learned to pick my battles and care less about what others think or intend. One of my favorite quotes is "How others treat me is their path. How I react to it is mine." Perfect.
So that was my last 2 years, spent healing myself and becoming comfortable in my own skin. So as I began this post, my New Year's resolution is 2012 is the year of "Me". I explained this best to my husband: My 20's were for "us", him & I. Growing together and learning about one another as a couple and as parts of a couple on our own. My 30's were for our children. Giving birth, devoting every moment to their well being and growth from infancy to children off to school. To be the best mommy I can be for them. My husband is a very real part of that decade too, of course. So my 40's are for "Me". None of these decades are truly devoted completely to one entity, but they are the dominating element of that time in my life.
And so I begin 2012, with this post and my challenge to you: Make 2012 the beginning of "You"! This is the year I put myself first. I make my health a priority and not an afterthought. I make my sanity and my emotional spirit a part of my growth to become better, deeper, more important than I have in the past. My connections with my friends are just as valuable as my connections as a wife & mother. Doing the things I believe I need to do to drive me into the next best thing, the person I know I was meant to be and to do what I was meant to do, will Renew my Mind into a whole new me. A better me.
The best part about this is my family will benefit the most out of my new goal. A better "Me" leads to a better them. If Mommy goes down, the house of cards falls with her. Staying healthy and attempting to maintain a better lifestyle including physical therapy techniques & "My MS Yoga", I believe my health will improve or I will heal faster. So that is step number one, relearn how to make my body the best it can be. Number 2, is reconnect with my family & friends on Facebook, in person & by phone calls. I need the people in my life who not only need my friendship, but who's companionship I need as well. This will keep me socially stimulated and help with my sanity levels. ;) Number 3, is about investing my time more in this blog, & put together a book of poetry from my collection of MS poems. I have been asked to do this and I want to follow through. If I can help others with it then bonus for me!
I will maintain the person I am inside and bring out the parts I pushed aside. I need to take care of myself in mind, in body & in spirit. To grow into the woman I know I am and in turn teach my children that we all have value. To find balance and make sure you include yourself when you choose your paths in this life. As I Renew my Mind, I know the rest will follow. I turned 40 years old 6 days ago and I say bring it on!! These are going to be some of the best years of my life because I do have something to say about it and I am going to speak loud and proud. Watch out world cuz here I come!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Holiday MeSs...MS Style
It's the holidays and among the many blessings they bring there are as many headaches and obstacles even the healthiest people encounter. Last year I pushed myself so hard that I didn't take the time to take care of myself and ended up in a terrible flare in January & February. It took several months to recover. This year I am planning ahead.
We all know that the days we plan for usually work out better than if we didn't. I know that planning doesn't mean it works out the way we expected. I am not talking about the plans of going to an event and hoping you feel good that day. I am talking about the kind of planning that helps you pace yourself in order to accomplish what you want while taking care of yourself. This year to accomplish my goals, wants & needs I am using the calendar to be proactive and I thought I would share. Now I realize it is December 6th and we are week in to December, but take my advice and find a way to make it fit for you. Not everyone is trying to be "Super Christmas Mom" like I do, but everyone wants to make Christmas or Hanukkah or Kwanza or whatever you choose to celebrate special, to themselves and the way remember it "should be".
First, write down all of the things you want to do over the holidays. Separate your "Christmas To Do List" by Wants & Needs, but leave room for a second category we will use later. I will use myself as an example to give you ideas.
WANTS:
Make Christmas Cookies
Make Christmas Candy
Decorate the house
Put up Christmas Tree
Go to Christmas parties
Kids school events
Visit with Santa
Take picture for Christmas Card
Needs:
Send Christmas Cards (Need because I just moved & need to update address. Perfect excuse)
Shop for gifts
Wrap gifts
Rest & Take care of myself
That's a good start. Now, I need to break these choices down further.
Wants Extended:
Make Christmas Cookies:
*Snickerdoodles
*Cherry Blinks
*Sugar Cookies
*Peanut Butter
*Gingerbread Men
Make Christmas Candy:
*Chocolate Suckers
*Peanut Butter Cups
*Chocolate Covered Cherries
*Chocolate Krispie Crunch
*Candied Orange Peels
*Peppermint Bark
Decorate the house:
*Inside Lights & Knick Knacks
*Outside Lights & wreaths
Put Up Christmas Tree:
*Assemble
*Lights
*Tree Skirt
*Ornaments
Christmas Parties:
*Family
*Friends
*Work
*Birthdays (during December)
*Santa Lunch w/neighbors
Kids School Events:
*Christmas Choir Concert
*Christmas Social
*Volunteer for Kid's Santa Shop
*Bake Sales
Visit Santa:
*At the Mall
*At the Greenhouse Hot Cocoa Social
*Santa Lunch
Picture for Christmas Card:
*Decide on a setting
*Get setting ready
*Pick out clothes for kids to wear
*Help kids get ready
*Have kids sit for the picture
*Take picture
*Send picture to put on the Christmas Card
*Pick up Christmas Cards
Needs Extended:
Send Christmas Cards:
*Make List
*Review Addresses
*sign Cards (if needed)
*Address Cards
*Put on stamps (Go pick up if still need them)
*Mail Christmas Cards at the post office
Shop for gifts:
*Put names on Christmas List
*Write down ideas next to each name
*Look at newspaper ads and online for deals
*Go shopping at mall and specialty stores
*Keep track of purchases
*Stay on budget
Wrap Gifts:
*Sort presents by person
*Choose paper for each gifts or person
*Gather supplies-scissors, tape, gift tags, pen...)
*Wrap and label gifts
*Sort under tree by family, event, from Santa or Mom & Dad, etc
*Mail out of town gifts
Rest & Take care of myself:
*Put feet up
*Take naps
*Rest mind and relax
*Do MS Yoga
*Practice strategies for balance & strength taught by physical therapist
From here is where the blank category comes into play. From first glance the original lists may not seem too bad, but once they are extended they really show how crazy we can be stretched without realizing it. The blank category is where we put the things we take out of the extended categories. For example, the cookies and candy have 5-6 different kinds. This year I am going to scale down and eliminate 2 from each category to make it smaller. So use this category for priorities. This will be where you put the things that will still make you feel like you accomplished most of your goals to participate in the way you wanted to do it. Keep this in mind as we move on to the calendar.
Bring down your calendar or print a blank month of December online & grab a pen. The goal here is to get your priorities down and spaced out enough to allow you to rest and still accomplish your goals. Look at the first week of December, this is your planning week or choose 2-3 days for planning out your ideas and tasks. Look at your priority list and find out how the parties fall, when you want your cookies made by and when you want Christmas cards to be mailed, etc.
Plan, Plan, Plan. This can mean the difference in how your holiday is memorable for good or for bad choices. Here is my example calendar:
December 1st-7th:
*Research websites offering "Free Shipping" or shop online & pick up at the store. Many sites offer this now. Walmart for example has a "site to store" pick up. You order online & they ship it to your local store at no charge. You just bring your receipt and they bring items to your car if you need help.
*Buy your Christmas cards if doing boxed ones with no picture and keep near your favorite resting chair.
*If doing a Christmas photo, decide & plan layout, clothing, etc
*Write in Christmas parties on calendar once you've decided which you will attend. If you want to have a "maybe group" of events you will play by ear or by your MS body then put them on in a different color to indicate they are a "maybe". Example: Use Red for definitely & Green for hopefully.
*Send regrets for the "No" events
*Decide which Christmas goodies you will make and print out or pull out the recipes to set aside.
*Review recipes and see which take longer steps such as "refrigerate dough overnight" and plan out accordingly.
*Plan shopping trips, but space out. Know your advantages, for example: The USPS will deliver stamps to your door with the postman. He/She can also pick up the packages you want to ship. This reserves a good part of your energy.
*When scheduling yourself, add days for just resting. At least one between events. If you can't have a day, schedule in nap or to out up your feet for an hour or two. This can really make a difference.
December 8-15th:
*Find ways to cut corners on the tasks you have chosen. I decided to change my sugar cookies to the pre-cut or pre-shaped kind. Some stores offer this. I bought mine through Market Day that is sold through my child's school. I am also giving my kids free range to decorate these themselves. If you make the dough one day and bake the next do that.
*Another way to save time & energy is separate or set up your tools the day before. For example: Get out the bowls, the dry, non-refrigerated ingredients, the spoons, cookie sheets all that you will need and put them on the counter or the kitchen table for the next day. When the next day comes you will need to preheat the oven, get out the cold ingredients & begin baking.
*Ask for help. Don't be proud. Our families & friends want to visit with us. Many want to help, but aren't sure how. Either they don't want to overstep or do the wrong thing or they don't know what little things will make the difference for you.
*Ask someone to bring the decorations up or down from the basement or attic. That will save you energy.
*Ask if someone can bring the empty boxes back for you when you finish and establish where to leave them and when they will do it.
*Ask someone to do the dishes after you bake the cookies or make the candy.
*Once your cards are ready to be addressed, leave them near your favorite chair or spot. Have a goal of addressing 5-10 a day. Leave them for the postman to take to the post office.
*Shop online & arrange free shipping or site to store.
*Other options are having the store or site ship it directly to the person's home.
*Ask friends & family for money saving tips they have discovered.
December 15-22nd:
*Sort Gifts as you buy them
*Set up a wrapping "station" or area with your supplies
*Ask for help with wrapping
*Set a number goal of how many gifts you want to wrap a day
*Finish up baking
*Put together any goodie plates or tins you need
*Write out labels for gifts or tins in advance
*Take a nap before an event
*At least take time to rest or put your feet up before your party
*Schedule "Your Time" wisely
*Have an exit strategy for when you need to leave a party, whether this is a must leave by time or a "Code word" that tells your driving companion, I need to leave now.
December 23-December 31st:
*Finalize your plans & details
*Keep up the 5 cards a day or 3 gifts to wrap a day
*Plan ahead for ALL your events & special moments
*Rest! Rest!! Rest!!!!
*Remember: Only YOU will put your health first. Others are happy to SEE you & interact with you. Our own adrenaline at these events makes us push further & masks the oncoming symptoms so know your body & plan accordingly.
*Pace yourself by scheduling your time wisely.
*If you want to attend more than one the same day or in the same weekend then pick a time frame & stick to it. It you believe 2 hours at each will allow you the energy and rest time to do both then follow your own plan. You will be happier in the long run.
*i find when I get in my car or arrive home after an event, the energy drains out of me. I didn't even realize that my excitement was pushing me further then I would normally tolerate. We know ourselves, so that is why planning is best.
Make plans that will fit your lifestyle and at your pace. My timeline is an example and a rough one at that. Make things happen the best way to keep you healthy AND happy. Make your holiday Merry & Bright and not a Holiday MeSs. Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanza! and Merry Everything in between!! (Happy Birthday to my fellow December/January Birthday Friends too! ) <3 Love & Kisses <3 ~Tammy
We all know that the days we plan for usually work out better than if we didn't. I know that planning doesn't mean it works out the way we expected. I am not talking about the plans of going to an event and hoping you feel good that day. I am talking about the kind of planning that helps you pace yourself in order to accomplish what you want while taking care of yourself. This year to accomplish my goals, wants & needs I am using the calendar to be proactive and I thought I would share. Now I realize it is December 6th and we are week in to December, but take my advice and find a way to make it fit for you. Not everyone is trying to be "Super Christmas Mom" like I do, but everyone wants to make Christmas or Hanukkah or Kwanza or whatever you choose to celebrate special, to themselves and the way remember it "should be".
First, write down all of the things you want to do over the holidays. Separate your "Christmas To Do List" by Wants & Needs, but leave room for a second category we will use later. I will use myself as an example to give you ideas.
WANTS:
Make Christmas Cookies
Make Christmas Candy
Decorate the house
Put up Christmas Tree
Go to Christmas parties
Kids school events
Visit with Santa
Take picture for Christmas Card
Needs:
Send Christmas Cards (Need because I just moved & need to update address. Perfect excuse)
Shop for gifts
Wrap gifts
Rest & Take care of myself
That's a good start. Now, I need to break these choices down further.
Wants Extended:
Make Christmas Cookies:
*Snickerdoodles
*Cherry Blinks
*Sugar Cookies
*Peanut Butter
*Gingerbread Men
Make Christmas Candy:
*Chocolate Suckers
*Peanut Butter Cups
*Chocolate Covered Cherries
*Chocolate Krispie Crunch
*Candied Orange Peels
*Peppermint Bark
Decorate the house:
*Inside Lights & Knick Knacks
*Outside Lights & wreaths
Put Up Christmas Tree:
*Assemble
*Lights
*Tree Skirt
*Ornaments
Christmas Parties:
*Family
*Friends
*Work
*Birthdays (during December)
*Santa Lunch w/neighbors
Kids School Events:
*Christmas Choir Concert
*Christmas Social
*Volunteer for Kid's Santa Shop
*Bake Sales
Visit Santa:
*At the Mall
*At the Greenhouse Hot Cocoa Social
*Santa Lunch
Picture for Christmas Card:
*Decide on a setting
*Get setting ready
*Pick out clothes for kids to wear
*Help kids get ready
*Have kids sit for the picture
*Take picture
*Send picture to put on the Christmas Card
*Pick up Christmas Cards
Needs Extended:
Send Christmas Cards:
*Make List
*Review Addresses
*sign Cards (if needed)
*Address Cards
*Put on stamps (Go pick up if still need them)
*Mail Christmas Cards at the post office
Shop for gifts:
*Put names on Christmas List
*Write down ideas next to each name
*Look at newspaper ads and online for deals
*Go shopping at mall and specialty stores
*Keep track of purchases
*Stay on budget
Wrap Gifts:
*Sort presents by person
*Choose paper for each gifts or person
*Gather supplies-scissors, tape, gift tags, pen...)
*Wrap and label gifts
*Sort under tree by family, event, from Santa or Mom & Dad, etc
*Mail out of town gifts
Rest & Take care of myself:
*Put feet up
*Take naps
*Rest mind and relax
*Do MS Yoga
*Practice strategies for balance & strength taught by physical therapist
From here is where the blank category comes into play. From first glance the original lists may not seem too bad, but once they are extended they really show how crazy we can be stretched without realizing it. The blank category is where we put the things we take out of the extended categories. For example, the cookies and candy have 5-6 different kinds. This year I am going to scale down and eliminate 2 from each category to make it smaller. So use this category for priorities. This will be where you put the things that will still make you feel like you accomplished most of your goals to participate in the way you wanted to do it. Keep this in mind as we move on to the calendar.
Bring down your calendar or print a blank month of December online & grab a pen. The goal here is to get your priorities down and spaced out enough to allow you to rest and still accomplish your goals. Look at the first week of December, this is your planning week or choose 2-3 days for planning out your ideas and tasks. Look at your priority list and find out how the parties fall, when you want your cookies made by and when you want Christmas cards to be mailed, etc.
Plan, Plan, Plan. This can mean the difference in how your holiday is memorable for good or for bad choices. Here is my example calendar:
December 1st-7th:
*Research websites offering "Free Shipping" or shop online & pick up at the store. Many sites offer this now. Walmart for example has a "site to store" pick up. You order online & they ship it to your local store at no charge. You just bring your receipt and they bring items to your car if you need help.
*Buy your Christmas cards if doing boxed ones with no picture and keep near your favorite resting chair.
*If doing a Christmas photo, decide & plan layout, clothing, etc
*Write in Christmas parties on calendar once you've decided which you will attend. If you want to have a "maybe group" of events you will play by ear or by your MS body then put them on in a different color to indicate they are a "maybe". Example: Use Red for definitely & Green for hopefully.
*Send regrets for the "No" events
*Decide which Christmas goodies you will make and print out or pull out the recipes to set aside.
*Review recipes and see which take longer steps such as "refrigerate dough overnight" and plan out accordingly.
*Plan shopping trips, but space out. Know your advantages, for example: The USPS will deliver stamps to your door with the postman. He/She can also pick up the packages you want to ship. This reserves a good part of your energy.
*When scheduling yourself, add days for just resting. At least one between events. If you can't have a day, schedule in nap or to out up your feet for an hour or two. This can really make a difference.
December 8-15th:
*Find ways to cut corners on the tasks you have chosen. I decided to change my sugar cookies to the pre-cut or pre-shaped kind. Some stores offer this. I bought mine through Market Day that is sold through my child's school. I am also giving my kids free range to decorate these themselves. If you make the dough one day and bake the next do that.
*Another way to save time & energy is separate or set up your tools the day before. For example: Get out the bowls, the dry, non-refrigerated ingredients, the spoons, cookie sheets all that you will need and put them on the counter or the kitchen table for the next day. When the next day comes you will need to preheat the oven, get out the cold ingredients & begin baking.
*Ask for help. Don't be proud. Our families & friends want to visit with us. Many want to help, but aren't sure how. Either they don't want to overstep or do the wrong thing or they don't know what little things will make the difference for you.
*Ask someone to bring the decorations up or down from the basement or attic. That will save you energy.
*Ask if someone can bring the empty boxes back for you when you finish and establish where to leave them and when they will do it.
*Ask someone to do the dishes after you bake the cookies or make the candy.
*Once your cards are ready to be addressed, leave them near your favorite chair or spot. Have a goal of addressing 5-10 a day. Leave them for the postman to take to the post office.
*Shop online & arrange free shipping or site to store.
*Other options are having the store or site ship it directly to the person's home.
*Ask friends & family for money saving tips they have discovered.
December 15-22nd:
*Sort Gifts as you buy them
*Set up a wrapping "station" or area with your supplies
*Ask for help with wrapping
*Set a number goal of how many gifts you want to wrap a day
*Finish up baking
*Put together any goodie plates or tins you need
*Write out labels for gifts or tins in advance
*Take a nap before an event
*At least take time to rest or put your feet up before your party
*Schedule "Your Time" wisely
*Have an exit strategy for when you need to leave a party, whether this is a must leave by time or a "Code word" that tells your driving companion, I need to leave now.
December 23-December 31st:
*Finalize your plans & details
*Keep up the 5 cards a day or 3 gifts to wrap a day
*Plan ahead for ALL your events & special moments
*Rest! Rest!! Rest!!!!
*Remember: Only YOU will put your health first. Others are happy to SEE you & interact with you. Our own adrenaline at these events makes us push further & masks the oncoming symptoms so know your body & plan accordingly.
*Pace yourself by scheduling your time wisely.
*If you want to attend more than one the same day or in the same weekend then pick a time frame & stick to it. It you believe 2 hours at each will allow you the energy and rest time to do both then follow your own plan. You will be happier in the long run.
*i find when I get in my car or arrive home after an event, the energy drains out of me. I didn't even realize that my excitement was pushing me further then I would normally tolerate. We know ourselves, so that is why planning is best.
Make plans that will fit your lifestyle and at your pace. My timeline is an example and a rough one at that. Make things happen the best way to keep you healthy AND happy. Make your holiday Merry & Bright and not a Holiday MeSs. Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanza! and Merry Everything in between!! (Happy Birthday to my fellow December/January Birthday Friends too! ) <3 Love & Kisses <3 ~Tammy
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